“Finding Exponent II, Finding Myself”
I was in my mid-twenties when I first found Exponent II. It was the early 2000s, and I was newly married and brimming over with questions and concerns about women’s status in the Church. The gender roles in the Proclamation made no sense to me. The temple obedience covenant was a dagger in my heart. The specter of eternal polygamy haunted me as I thought about the possibility of my husband sealing himself to another woman if I died.
But I didn’t know a single other Mormon woman who shared these concerns. I had no community with which to discuss these questions that were so crucial, so central to women’s eternal identity and destiny. I was alone, an alien really, utterly different from the women I knew at church.
Little did I know that the blog would become a lifeline to me over the next two decades.
But then I moved to Irvine, California, and was assigned to visit teach Jana Remy, who let me borrow a stack of her mother’s old Exponent II’s. As I flipped through those fragile old issues, I was moved by the brave and vulnerable essays I read there. These women were asking the kinds of questions I was asking! They were grappling with issues like abuse, abortion, careers, and marital power dynamics in light of their Mormon identity. I knew then that I wasn’t alone, that there was a living, breathing community of Mormon feminist writers and thinkers. This was a community I wanted to be a part of.
Soon afterward, Jana and I suggested that we edit a Southern California issue of the magazine and flew out to Boston for our first retreat. We offered to start an Exponent II blog, thinking that it could not only help create virtual community and conversation, but that it could also highlight Exponent II’s rich and deep tradition of Mormon feminist thought.
As I flipped through those fragile old issues, I was moved by the brave and vulnerable essays I read there. These women were asking the kinds of questions I was asking!
Little did I know that the blog would become a lifeline to me over the next two decades. Not only did it give me a forum for grappling with my deepest questions, it helped to create and cement the dearest friendships I’ve ever had. Through the blog, I also became more deeply connected to the greater Exponent II organization, at one point serving as a feature editor of the magazine for several years.
How I have loved and admired the women of Exponent II. How I have appreciated their wisdom, graciousness, vision, and humor. I love that our commitment to issues of gender and to one another supersedes our relationship to the Church. Whether we are practicing or not, whether we are believing or not, so many of us have found a valued place within this organization. Within the warm and loving embrace of Exponent II, I found my people, just as many others have before me. May its good work continue on for another half century.
Caroline is a research assistant professor in the Religion Department at Claremont Graduate University. She is a cofounder of the Exponent II blog.
Irvine, California
Categories: Shout Outs
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