“Permission”
I was a “visa waiting” missionary assigned to the Spain Bilbao Mission, but I got temporarily placed in Boston because Canada and Spain were fighting over halibut fishing rights off the coast of Newfoundland and my visa was delayed indefinitely.
I found myself living with five other sister missionaries in the first-floor apartment belonging to one of the founders of the Exponent II publication. There was some kind of magnetism or kindred connection that drew me to our neighbor/landlady. Maybe it was just the rebellion I imagined in her, captured in the way her garments peaked out beneath her tank top while she was gardening, that spoke to me in a way that words could not. She must have felt it too, perhaps not as obvious, but I was singled out, invited in, and given access to boxes of issues of the Exponent II magazine.
. . . the honest dialogue that I had only previously hoped existed
Its contents immediately captivated and filled me with the honest dialogue that I had only previously hoped existed outside of my own head. I took every opportunity to sneak away with my new mentor to talk or to use my study time to read the archives of so many women who had come before me, who had felt what I felt, and who knew there was more to say. For two short months until the fishing wars ended, I took in as much as I could. I believe those precious days shored me up for a missionary experience that was authentic to all of me and allowed me to exist in a place that was not created for me or my questions. That feminist strength gave me permission to not become a shell of myself trying to fit into a mold of what was expected of me. And as I spoke my truth, I often found my garment-top hem sticking out just a little bit.
It was a while before I ended up back in Boston and reconnected with more first-generation Exponent II feminist mentors. Once again, the attraction was strong and I found comfort in a transitional stage of my Mormon feminist journey as a board member and in the sisterhood with others whose ideas matched my own. My journey into adult Mormon feminist womanhood had guides now, and I would not feel alone and “other” in my mainstream culture. That journey has continued to evolve over the decades I’ve shared with Exponent II. There are fewer layers these days but more depth, some distance, and tremendous gratitude. My physical connection to Exponent II is not as strong as it once was, but my spiritual one travels with me through time and place. Exponent II gave my thoughts voice and permission to be myself, and for that I will always be grateful.
Anja works in global development, financial inclusion, and climate justice. She lives outside of Boston with her husband and three children. She served on the board of Exponent II from 2013–2015.
Waltham, Massachusetts
ARTIST STATEMENT
Standing on the Shoulders of Those Who Came Before
Digital painting, 10 x 15.75 in.
This piece honors a legacy of women’s resilience, wisdom, hope, and sacrifices. Inspired by the women who have worked for Exponent II, written for the magazine, and had their history shared within its pages over 50 years, this piece urges recognition of our interconnected nature. It prompts us to press forward with a focus on growth and knowledge to enable future generations of women to surpass our achievements.
Lauren Walke
9sirenscreative.com
@9sirenscreative
Categories: Shout Outs
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